First move
Awakening early, we eagerly anticipated our day ahead. Today, Monday, April 12, we are of the belief that we will get closer to meeting Julianna. Kenny is still not certain that we will see her today due to the bureaucracy here that we have experienced. I, on the other hand, am focused on playing with her with some of the toys that we purchased. During breakfast, we reflected on the fact that the “normal” children that our friends were adopting appeared to be well kempt and the little girl’s hair was long and braidede Our little girl and many of the pictures of the other children that we have seen with down syndrome have short hair - actually just chopped or even some have shaved heads. I prayed a novena to the angels to watch over us and our Julianna today. Thanks to Sister Sue Ann, I used the suggestion that she gave me when I started my principal job at Holy Name. Before any important meeting, I ask my guardian angel to meet with the guardian angel of others in the meeting. And so…our guardian angels are meeting now as I write this, making clear the path for the events of the day.
Move two spaces - 9:00am meeting at the MOE
Our next move was to meet with Tatiana at the Ministry of Education. Before Tatiana took us in her small cubicle-like office, we waited for nearly forty-five minutes. To pass the time, I prayed the rosary and lots of other prayers. Finally, the three of us were invited in and sat in front of Tatiana’s desk. Tatiana reprimanded us for being American citizens! Unfortunately the anger and outrage that she had for the Tennessee mother who put her child on a plane back to Russia only four days ago was unleashed on us…What could we say? I tried the best that I knew how by thanking her for continuing to consider us for adoption and that we did not condone the actions of this woman. Tatiana did not buy it. She continued to lash out with Russian words that we could only imagine were worse than what Svetlana was translating. We sat and took it until she was done. Then, she said that we would continue to proceed because we were registered, and until the Russian government changes the laws she must allow us to continue with the process. She also promised no guarantees.
We were shown referrals for four boys who were about one year older than Angelo. All were very cute boys, and according to their records, all were the healthiest children they could find. Tatiana’s assistant would read the information off the computer database in Russian, Sveta would translate, and I would write down the basic information. After the four referrals, we exited to the hallway to discuss the information. I was moved to tears not because we weren’t shown Julianna; it was due to the great need that there is in this country for children with Down Syndrome to find families. All of the boys would be good choices, but that was not who we had come to see.
Svetlana is the best. She had printed out copies of photos of Julianna and another girl, Maria. We returned to the cubicle office, and Svetlana explained that the boys were cute, but that we were hoping to see older girls. So, I asked to see Maria’s information first. Tatiana’s assistant looked up her name and birth year and month on the database. She wrote something on a paper and handed it to Tatiana. Tatiana explained that Maria was up for adoption and here was the list of “problems” with this child. Tatiana turned the computer monitor toward us, showing us the photo and covering the written information with a piece of paper. We then asked for Julianna, or Yulia, the Russian name she was given. Tatiana and her assistant proceeded in the same manner. This time, Tatiana said, “She has a severe mental delay.” Our hearts sank! How could this be? Tatiana then found two other girls for us to consider that were older with Down Syndrome.
Kenny and I looked at each other and of course we knew that we had to see Julianna. Svetlana encouraged us to go find out for ourselves if this is what we really wanted to do. Then we would know if she, in fact, was the child that God was calling us to adopt, or if God was leading us here to Russia for another child. We were still open to His calling.
So within minutes, we told Tatiana we wished to have a “referral” for Julianna. Tatiana looked at us like we were crazy. Then she looked at Julianna’s picture from the database and looked at me. Svetlana translated, “ She has bright eyes. She looks like your child who has Down Syndrome. I understand.” I think, but am not quite sure, but perhaps that was Tatiana’s means of communicating that she really does care about the children - a soft heart beneath a cold exterior.
Next move - The Referral
Tatiana’s assistant gave Svetlana the paperwork to fill out for the referral. After translating the content and reading it to us, we were required to sign, indicating the names of the children we had been shown and the one that we had chosen to visit. Requested to wait in the hall on a bench, we chatted for about fifteen or twenty minutes until Tatiana came to Sveta and explained that the Minister was “gone to lunch” and that he would have to sign the referral before we could visit Julianna. Tatiana also said that they were calling the Director of the Children’s Home to inform him we were coming. We were asked to return at 1:45pm for a signed referral.
Take two steps back - break for lunch
Svetlana, Kenny, and I went to lunch at the Internet Café. Our favorite waitress, Victoria, was not working, but it was ok, today. We had Sveta with us. She translated the menu and we really got to know her better for the two hours that we ate and had tea. Sveta is a wonderful, wonderful person. We had the opportunity to talk about Down Syndrome, our experiences with Angelo, and life with Down Syndrome. Sveta was amazed (and maybe amused sometimes) by our life, our family, and our perspective on people with disabilities. She promised to pray for our family for the rest of our lives. (Sveta, if you read this, this is a reminder not to forget J )
We returned at 1:35pm to the MOE, a little early. We waited on the first floor in the hallway. Sveta went to the second floor, outside Tatiana’s office, to wait for the signed referral. Kenny and I counted the seconds that lapsed between people who walked by us. It was like Grand Central Station. Only one man spoke, or I should say, nodded in our direction. Svetlana came to us at 2:00pm and conveyed that the referral was not signed yet. We both thought that we were paying the price for the Tennessee lady’s actions. We agreed that if we didn’t have a signed referral soon, we were walking back to our hotel, only two blocks away. As if someone heard our statement, Sveta appeared with the document and said lets go.
Get Out of Jail Free card
Just like playing Monopoly, there are positives to being permitted to play the game again. We were headed to the Children’s Home, but not without obstacles. First, Sveta informed us that Tatiana’s assistant received negative reception from the Director when she called him. He did not want us to come; he did not want any of the children to leave his home. This home has NEVER had a child adopted from it…EVER! She said that the people in this Children’s Home will not know what to do. Sveta was miffed as we headed to that part of the city, about twenty minutes of Nizhniy “500” driving. Yet before we could go to the Children’s Home (No. 56), we had to contact the social worker, sort of like Children & Youth, to determine if they had a person who could go with us to the Home. This is a standard procedure in Russia. The social worker is necessary to observe the child and prospective parents. She writes a statement and submits to court later in the process. All standard procedure we were told. Riding “shotgun” in Sveta’s vehicle, I continuously tried to contact the agency using Sveta’s I-phone to no avail.
Sveta pulled into this area that looked like large hi-rise apartment buildings that were all the same shade of yellow/green and in “ok” condition. She asked us to wait in the car as she ran in to determine if a social worker could go with us or if we had to wait until tomorrow. Kenny and I amused ourselves with the man’s hat that was on top of the dumpster wondering if someone was dead inside.
Fifteen minutes passed and it was 3:00pm. Sveta returned to say that the Director refused to let us in until he received a personal phone call from the Minister himself. What were we to do? Sveta said that the social worker, whose name was also Tatiana, an older woman, was arguing (in Russian, of course) with the Director. We waited. Sveta grabbed a water at a local stand. While she was gone, Kenny spied our social worker, or the lady we thought was our social worker exiting the building and looking for someone. Sure enough, Tatiana got in the front with Sveta, they talked in Russian and we drove down the road about two miles. The Minister of Education had a conversation with the Director. Sveta, Kenny, and I were nervous to meet this guy. Tatiana indicated that he was a “little nutty.”
Proceed to Baltic Avenue - The Children’s Home
Once we were allowed in through the huge padlocked wrought iron gate, Sveta parked quickly and we followed Tatiana inside this very big two two story run down building. It smelled of something inside. I saw a larger boy, approximately age 16, with down syndrome out of the corner of my eye, as Tatiana motioned for us to enter the office of the director. I had to remember that I was not here to sightsee, so I followed behind Sveta with Kenny trailing.
There were two or three younger woman (like my age J ) sitting in the room in chairs lined up against the wall of a long skinny office that was bout 16’x8’. Kenny told me later that he didn’t sit in the chair next to me initially because there was something wet in the middle of it and then on the floor next to it. We think that it was urine of some sort. Kenny explained that the women ushered the chair out of the way and pushed another one next to me. I was too befuddled with this very large man sitting behind a desk with mountains of paper stacked around him. Sveta and the Director (Michael, I think) began to speak.
Michael told us all about himself and his umpteen degrees from various universities. His mid-60’s look with graying beard and short hair cut was intimidating. Sveta politely interpreted everything Michael said, adding that he’s telling us stuff that we don’t really need to know. She also told me to smile and say nice things about how impressed I was with his knowledge. Ok, I knew what we had to do. Needless to say, Kenny let me do most of the talking.
Michael mentioned how cute Julianna was and what a nice girl she is. He continued to explain the system that they have in his Children’s Home. He has created a small community. Michael said that he has not followed the rules in Russia because the 180 children ages 4 and up need more than what the government dictates. So Michael has created a community for these children. They get training and schooling from an early age. They get speech and language each week. They have a computer lab with 8 or 9 new MacIntosh computers where they teach the children starting at age 9. This home teaches the children life skills and provides jobs as early as age 14 within the confines of the wrought iron fence. The children earn money. When they get a little older, Michael’s staff members help these individuals to get jobs outside of the community and even live there as they get older.
You guessed it. Michael was my kind of person - an intellect who countered the society norms to do what was best for these children…This was the best that he could do. This was within his control…the best the culture could offer. I sincerely praised him for his work, kindness, and caring for these kids. It was then that he invited us for a “traditional” Russian lunch the next day.
And so we went to the computer lab…to meet “the medical doctor.”
Lose a turn - Gathering limited information from the specialists
Ok, so we were this far and we were eager to hear about Julianna’s health. The first word’s out of the doctor’s mouth were “I disagree with this!” She didn’t look at us. She was mean and stern….Svetlana translated this statement. I asked “why?” Svetlana said not to worry because she has no control. Everything was about the director, and we had managed to win him over. In Russian, the director told the doctor to be quiet and just answer questions. This was not pretty. However, everyone knew that Michael was the boss. He was well respected. The doctor continued to answer questions that Sveta asked. I was befuddled and confused by all this translation stuff…where was Kenny…and then..
Pass Go - Collect $200
Walking into a room of about a dozen adults, a little girl who looked like our Angelo appeared. A big yellow bow in her hair and a child’s gold skirt suit that felt like someone’s corduroy velour sofa, Julianna looked at us innocently. She immediately walked over to us when asked by our translator and sat across from us at the table. Wiping away the tears of disbelief, I quickly pulled a shape sorter toy out of my bag for her. She immediately began to pick up the shapes and place them in the right holes. Now, I was really crying. I lost track of where Kenny was and Sveta kept talking to the adults in the room gathering information for us. The little girl that was the recipient of so many prayers was finally next to me.
The next thing we pulled out of our bag was a coloring book and markers (Russians do not make or sell crayons). To our amazement, she picked up the marker with her right hand, pulled off the cap, and held it with a perfect pencil grip. She leaned down very closely to the coloring page, almost touching it with her nose, and began to color perfectly within the lines, slowly and meticulously…better than most children her age. We switched off colors only after I initiated. She was perfectly content to color for what seemed like forever. Kenny and Svetlana started to take pictures. I moved around to the other side of the table, next to her, because I just wanted to squeeze her and hug her. Kenny and I managed to take the marker away from her as we redirected her to the small book with the attached lion finger puppet. Immediately, she was intrigued by the lion and understood that my finger made the lion move. She tried the lion and made it growl after we modeled it for her. She loved the attention. I pulled her up on my lap and she even let me hug her. We learned very quickly that she is ticklish. Before we knew it, our time had ended. We asked her if she wanted to play with us again. She answered “da” which means “yes” in Russian.
We left promising to return the next day @ 9:30am. We dropped off the social worker, Tatiana, at the agency on the way home.
This had been a remarkable day. And as usual, God made clear the path. It was God’s desire for us to meet this precious little girl. What joy she had brought to us in only a short period of time. Unknowingly to Julianna, she had already begun to change minds and melt hearts, as our translator, Sveta, was enthralled with her first ever encounter with a person with Down Syndrome. Sveta, too, fought back tears during our brief time with Julianna. Sveta commented that she couldn’t wait to tell her mom about the experience. Thank you, God, for all who have entered our life on this journey.
Awakening early, we eagerly anticipated our day ahead. Today, Monday, April 12, we are of the belief that we will get closer to meeting Julianna. Kenny is still not certain that we will see her today due to the bureaucracy here that we have experienced. I, on the other hand, am focused on playing with her with some of the toys that we purchased. During breakfast, we reflected on the fact that the “normal” children that our friends were adopting appeared to be well kempt and the little girl’s hair was long and braidede Our little girl and many of the pictures of the other children that we have seen with down syndrome have short hair - actually just chopped or even some have shaved heads. I prayed a novena to the angels to watch over us and our Julianna today. Thanks to Sister Sue Ann, I used the suggestion that she gave me when I started my principal job at Holy Name. Before any important meeting, I ask my guardian angel to meet with the guardian angel of others in the meeting. And so…our guardian angels are meeting now as I write this, making clear the path for the events of the day.
Move two spaces - 9:00am meeting at the MOE
Our next move was to meet with Tatiana at the Ministry of Education. Before Tatiana took us in her small cubicle-like office, we waited for nearly forty-five minutes. To pass the time, I prayed the rosary and lots of other prayers. Finally, the three of us were invited in and sat in front of Tatiana’s desk. Tatiana reprimanded us for being American citizens! Unfortunately the anger and outrage that she had for the Tennessee mother who put her child on a plane back to Russia only four days ago was unleashed on us…What could we say? I tried the best that I knew how by thanking her for continuing to consider us for adoption and that we did not condone the actions of this woman. Tatiana did not buy it. She continued to lash out with Russian words that we could only imagine were worse than what Svetlana was translating. We sat and took it until she was done. Then, she said that we would continue to proceed because we were registered, and until the Russian government changes the laws she must allow us to continue with the process. She also promised no guarantees.
We were shown referrals for four boys who were about one year older than Angelo. All were very cute boys, and according to their records, all were the healthiest children they could find. Tatiana’s assistant would read the information off the computer database in Russian, Sveta would translate, and I would write down the basic information. After the four referrals, we exited to the hallway to discuss the information. I was moved to tears not because we weren’t shown Julianna; it was due to the great need that there is in this country for children with Down Syndrome to find families. All of the boys would be good choices, but that was not who we had come to see.
Svetlana is the best. She had printed out copies of photos of Julianna and another girl, Maria. We returned to the cubicle office, and Svetlana explained that the boys were cute, but that we were hoping to see older girls. So, I asked to see Maria’s information first. Tatiana’s assistant looked up her name and birth year and month on the database. She wrote something on a paper and handed it to Tatiana. Tatiana explained that Maria was up for adoption and here was the list of “problems” with this child. Tatiana turned the computer monitor toward us, showing us the photo and covering the written information with a piece of paper. We then asked for Julianna, or Yulia, the Russian name she was given. Tatiana and her assistant proceeded in the same manner. This time, Tatiana said, “She has a severe mental delay.” Our hearts sank! How could this be? Tatiana then found two other girls for us to consider that were older with Down Syndrome.
Kenny and I looked at each other and of course we knew that we had to see Julianna. Svetlana encouraged us to go find out for ourselves if this is what we really wanted to do. Then we would know if she, in fact, was the child that God was calling us to adopt, or if God was leading us here to Russia for another child. We were still open to His calling.
So within minutes, we told Tatiana we wished to have a “referral” for Julianna. Tatiana looked at us like we were crazy. Then she looked at Julianna’s picture from the database and looked at me. Svetlana translated, “ She has bright eyes. She looks like your child who has Down Syndrome. I understand.” I think, but am not quite sure, but perhaps that was Tatiana’s means of communicating that she really does care about the children - a soft heart beneath a cold exterior.
Next move - The Referral
Tatiana’s assistant gave Svetlana the paperwork to fill out for the referral. After translating the content and reading it to us, we were required to sign, indicating the names of the children we had been shown and the one that we had chosen to visit. Requested to wait in the hall on a bench, we chatted for about fifteen or twenty minutes until Tatiana came to Sveta and explained that the Minister was “gone to lunch” and that he would have to sign the referral before we could visit Julianna. Tatiana also said that they were calling the Director of the Children’s Home to inform him we were coming. We were asked to return at 1:45pm for a signed referral.
Take two steps back - break for lunch
Svetlana, Kenny, and I went to lunch at the Internet Café. Our favorite waitress, Victoria, was not working, but it was ok, today. We had Sveta with us. She translated the menu and we really got to know her better for the two hours that we ate and had tea. Sveta is a wonderful, wonderful person. We had the opportunity to talk about Down Syndrome, our experiences with Angelo, and life with Down Syndrome. Sveta was amazed (and maybe amused sometimes) by our life, our family, and our perspective on people with disabilities. She promised to pray for our family for the rest of our lives. (Sveta, if you read this, this is a reminder not to forget J )
We returned at 1:35pm to the MOE, a little early. We waited on the first floor in the hallway. Sveta went to the second floor, outside Tatiana’s office, to wait for the signed referral. Kenny and I counted the seconds that lapsed between people who walked by us. It was like Grand Central Station. Only one man spoke, or I should say, nodded in our direction. Svetlana came to us at 2:00pm and conveyed that the referral was not signed yet. We both thought that we were paying the price for the Tennessee lady’s actions. We agreed that if we didn’t have a signed referral soon, we were walking back to our hotel, only two blocks away. As if someone heard our statement, Sveta appeared with the document and said lets go.
Get Out of Jail Free card
Just like playing Monopoly, there are positives to being permitted to play the game again. We were headed to the Children’s Home, but not without obstacles. First, Sveta informed us that Tatiana’s assistant received negative reception from the Director when she called him. He did not want us to come; he did not want any of the children to leave his home. This home has NEVER had a child adopted from it…EVER! She said that the people in this Children’s Home will not know what to do. Sveta was miffed as we headed to that part of the city, about twenty minutes of Nizhniy “500” driving. Yet before we could go to the Children’s Home (No. 56), we had to contact the social worker, sort of like Children & Youth, to determine if they had a person who could go with us to the Home. This is a standard procedure in Russia. The social worker is necessary to observe the child and prospective parents. She writes a statement and submits to court later in the process. All standard procedure we were told. Riding “shotgun” in Sveta’s vehicle, I continuously tried to contact the agency using Sveta’s I-phone to no avail.
Sveta pulled into this area that looked like large hi-rise apartment buildings that were all the same shade of yellow/green and in “ok” condition. She asked us to wait in the car as she ran in to determine if a social worker could go with us or if we had to wait until tomorrow. Kenny and I amused ourselves with the man’s hat that was on top of the dumpster wondering if someone was dead inside.
Fifteen minutes passed and it was 3:00pm. Sveta returned to say that the Director refused to let us in until he received a personal phone call from the Minister himself. What were we to do? Sveta said that the social worker, whose name was also Tatiana, an older woman, was arguing (in Russian, of course) with the Director. We waited. Sveta grabbed a water at a local stand. While she was gone, Kenny spied our social worker, or the lady we thought was our social worker exiting the building and looking for someone. Sure enough, Tatiana got in the front with Sveta, they talked in Russian and we drove down the road about two miles. The Minister of Education had a conversation with the Director. Sveta, Kenny, and I were nervous to meet this guy. Tatiana indicated that he was a “little nutty.”
Proceed to Baltic Avenue - The Children’s Home
Once we were allowed in through the huge padlocked wrought iron gate, Sveta parked quickly and we followed Tatiana inside this very big two two story run down building. It smelled of something inside. I saw a larger boy, approximately age 16, with down syndrome out of the corner of my eye, as Tatiana motioned for us to enter the office of the director. I had to remember that I was not here to sightsee, so I followed behind Sveta with Kenny trailing.
There were two or three younger woman (like my age J ) sitting in the room in chairs lined up against the wall of a long skinny office that was bout 16’x8’. Kenny told me later that he didn’t sit in the chair next to me initially because there was something wet in the middle of it and then on the floor next to it. We think that it was urine of some sort. Kenny explained that the women ushered the chair out of the way and pushed another one next to me. I was too befuddled with this very large man sitting behind a desk with mountains of paper stacked around him. Sveta and the Director (Michael, I think) began to speak.
Michael told us all about himself and his umpteen degrees from various universities. His mid-60’s look with graying beard and short hair cut was intimidating. Sveta politely interpreted everything Michael said, adding that he’s telling us stuff that we don’t really need to know. She also told me to smile and say nice things about how impressed I was with his knowledge. Ok, I knew what we had to do. Needless to say, Kenny let me do most of the talking.
Michael mentioned how cute Julianna was and what a nice girl she is. He continued to explain the system that they have in his Children’s Home. He has created a small community. Michael said that he has not followed the rules in Russia because the 180 children ages 4 and up need more than what the government dictates. So Michael has created a community for these children. They get training and schooling from an early age. They get speech and language each week. They have a computer lab with 8 or 9 new MacIntosh computers where they teach the children starting at age 9. This home teaches the children life skills and provides jobs as early as age 14 within the confines of the wrought iron fence. The children earn money. When they get a little older, Michael’s staff members help these individuals to get jobs outside of the community and even live there as they get older.
You guessed it. Michael was my kind of person - an intellect who countered the society norms to do what was best for these children…This was the best that he could do. This was within his control…the best the culture could offer. I sincerely praised him for his work, kindness, and caring for these kids. It was then that he invited us for a “traditional” Russian lunch the next day.
And so we went to the computer lab…to meet “the medical doctor.”
Lose a turn - Gathering limited information from the specialists
Ok, so we were this far and we were eager to hear about Julianna’s health. The first word’s out of the doctor’s mouth were “I disagree with this!” She didn’t look at us. She was mean and stern….Svetlana translated this statement. I asked “why?” Svetlana said not to worry because she has no control. Everything was about the director, and we had managed to win him over. In Russian, the director told the doctor to be quiet and just answer questions. This was not pretty. However, everyone knew that Michael was the boss. He was well respected. The doctor continued to answer questions that Sveta asked. I was befuddled and confused by all this translation stuff…where was Kenny…and then..
Pass Go - Collect $200
Walking into a room of about a dozen adults, a little girl who looked like our Angelo appeared. A big yellow bow in her hair and a child’s gold skirt suit that felt like someone’s corduroy velour sofa, Julianna looked at us innocently. She immediately walked over to us when asked by our translator and sat across from us at the table. Wiping away the tears of disbelief, I quickly pulled a shape sorter toy out of my bag for her. She immediately began to pick up the shapes and place them in the right holes. Now, I was really crying. I lost track of where Kenny was and Sveta kept talking to the adults in the room gathering information for us. The little girl that was the recipient of so many prayers was finally next to me.
The next thing we pulled out of our bag was a coloring book and markers (Russians do not make or sell crayons). To our amazement, she picked up the marker with her right hand, pulled off the cap, and held it with a perfect pencil grip. She leaned down very closely to the coloring page, almost touching it with her nose, and began to color perfectly within the lines, slowly and meticulously…better than most children her age. We switched off colors only after I initiated. She was perfectly content to color for what seemed like forever. Kenny and Svetlana started to take pictures. I moved around to the other side of the table, next to her, because I just wanted to squeeze her and hug her. Kenny and I managed to take the marker away from her as we redirected her to the small book with the attached lion finger puppet. Immediately, she was intrigued by the lion and understood that my finger made the lion move. She tried the lion and made it growl after we modeled it for her. She loved the attention. I pulled her up on my lap and she even let me hug her. We learned very quickly that she is ticklish. Before we knew it, our time had ended. We asked her if she wanted to play with us again. She answered “da” which means “yes” in Russian.
We left promising to return the next day @ 9:30am. We dropped off the social worker, Tatiana, at the agency on the way home.
This had been a remarkable day. And as usual, God made clear the path. It was God’s desire for us to meet this precious little girl. What joy she had brought to us in only a short period of time. Unknowingly to Julianna, she had already begun to change minds and melt hearts, as our translator, Sveta, was enthralled with her first ever encounter with a person with Down Syndrome. Sveta, too, fought back tears during our brief time with Julianna. Sveta commented that she couldn’t wait to tell her mom about the experience. Thank you, God, for all who have entered our life on this journey.